Protecting Yourself From Secondhand Drinking
Secondhand Drinking – what is it, and how does a person protect themselves from it?
What is secondhand drinking?
Secondhand drinking can be especially a problem for children who live in families with untreated alcohol abuse or alcoholism.
It is being on the receiving end of a person’s (family member, friend or stranger-on-the-street’s) drinking behaviors.
What are those drinking behaviors?
- Fighting with friends or family about the drinking; saying or doing things you don’t remember or regret.
- Driving while under the influence; getting a DUI (DWI); riding in a car driven by someone who has been drinking. [Speaking of getting a DUI. According to the California Department of Motor Vehicles website, a person weighing 110-129 lbs. and having 2 drinks in an hour will probably have a Blood Alcohol Content (BAC) of .08. A person weighing 130-149 lbs. and having 3 drinks in 2 hours will probably have a BAC of .08. And a person weighing 170-189 lbs. and having 4 drinks in 2 hours will also likely have a BAC of .08. A BAC of .08 will result in an arrest for a DUI/DWI. Additionally, even if a person only registers a BAC of .04, he/she can still be charged with a DUI – the charge is driving while impaired.]
- Experiencing blackouts – fragmentary or complete; vomiting; passing out.
- Doing poorly at work or school because of the drinking or recovering from the effects of drinking.
- Having unplanned unwanted or unprotected sex; committing date rape.
- Being admitted to the emergency room with a high Blood Alcohol Content (BAC), in addition to the “real” reason (e.g., broken arm, feel down the stairs, auto accident).
- Binge drinking (defined as drinking 4 or more standard drinks on an occasion for women; 5 or more for men).
And what are the potential secondhand drinking impacts of these drinking behaviors?
Taking just the first three:
- Being the person trying to defend oneself against the verbal attack that happens when you comment on how they are behaving or disagree with something they’ve said; something that made no sense or was offensive to you.
- Believing them when they say they’re okay to drive and getting into the car and then finding yourself in the emergency room after they hit a parked car.
- Taking responsibility for keeping them safe, monitoring them if they pass out, cleaning up their vomit.
So how do you protect yourself?
1. Understand that exceeding per occasion “normal” or “low-risk” drinking limits changes the way a person’s brain works. These limits are:
-
- For women: 4 or more standard drinks (and sometimes, it is a whole lot less than 4 depending on her weight, any medications she’s taking, stage of brain development and other factors)
- For men: 5 or more standard drinks (and sometimes, it’s a whole lot less than 5 depending on his weight, stage of brain development and other factors).
2. Understand how the body processes alcohol – click here for the more complete explanation – but basically, it takes the liver about one hour to process (rid the body of) the alcohol in one standard drink. Six drinks will take six hours and while it’s waiting its turn out the liver, it sits in the brain and impairs brain function, thereby changing a person’s behaviors.
3. Know what’s in a standard drink. For example, 5 ounces of table wine = 12 ounces of regular beer = 1.5 ounces of vodka and other 80-proof hard liquor = ONE STANDARD DRINK. Many bar pours contain more than one standard drink. A margarita, for example, can contain 2-3. Knowing this and the information in numbers 1 and 2 can help you appreciate that a person who exceeds these limits is incapable of behaving “normally,” so you will understand that you should not:
- engage in the argument they insist on having
- take to heart what they said or did
- get in the car if they’re planning to drive
- clean up their vomit (they can do it themselves the next morning)
- engage in a fist fight if they try to start one
- start making out with them, unless you want to and are comfortable with where things may progress if they press you further.
Above all, understand that ANYONE — from the first time drinker to the week-end binger to the daily, “just having a few,” to the alcoholic — ANYONE who drinks more than the brain and body can process can cause secondhand drinking.
Where to Take it From Here
I urge you to read my latest book published in 2019 — not so I can sell books but so you can learn about the huge scientific advances that explains all of this in layman’s terms.
The first half covers alcohol use disorders (drinking problems) – how they’re developed and treated and what long-term recovery requires. In the case of alcohol abuse, for example, it’s possible to learn to “re-drink,” but in the case of alcoholism, it must be total abstinence from alcohol, yet in both cases, there are other brain healing aspects necessary in order to address “why” a person finds themselves drinking to these extents in the first place (e.g., trauma, anxiety, depression, social environment…). As importantly for readers of this post, it explains why drinking causes secondhand drinking, which helps one better protect themselves from its impacts.
The second half explains what happens to family members and friends and what they can do to help their loved ones, as well as what they can do to take back control of their physical and emotional health and the quality of their lives.
This is the link to the Amazon version. It comes in both paperback and Kindle (which can be read on an iPad or other eReader device). With the Kindle format, you’re able to get it immediately, which may be helpful for right now, and it allows you to read it without anyone knowing, which may also be helpful. It is also sold by other retailers and available in some libraries, as well.
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Note: This post was originally published under the same title on January 27, 2011. It was updated to include a new resource in January 2020.
Lisa Frederiksen
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