My daughter had her first alcoholic drink at 14. She and her girlfriends passed around water bottles of vodka at a sleepover — after the host parents had gone to bed. As someone who has personally survived the ravages of various loved ones’ drinking, I desperately wanted to help my daughter avoid the perilous path to alcohol abuse or addiction – especially given what I was learning about early use being one of the five key risk factors contributing to a person developing alcoholism.

Not only that, but it was the extent of the problem. “Nearly 20 percent of 14-year-olds say they have been drunk at least once,” says Dr. Kenneth Moritsugu, Acting U.S. Surgeon General, his 2007 Call to Action. “Young people who start drinking before the age of 15 are 5 times more likely to have alcohol-related problems later in life.”

So, what can concerned parents do? While writing 10th Anniversary Edition If You Loved Me, You’d Stop!, I came up with 10 ways parents can help their children avoid underage drinking and the potential for lifelong alcohol use-related problems.

10 Tips To Help Parents Help Their Children Avoid Underage Drinking

1. Model moderation.
Easy to say, but what does it mean? Basically, avoid binge drinking (4 or more for women and 5 or more for men) and stay within weekly limits. For men, that’s no more than 14 in a week, with no more than 4 in one day. For women, that’s no more than 7 in a week, with no more than 3 in one day.

2. Don’t tailgate with kids in tow. As tempting as it is to bring your children to a tail-gate party before the big game, pass on the family outing if alcohol is central to having a good time. The same is true of child-centered events and activities (team sports, birthday parties or milestone celebrations). By cutting out the alcohol, you send a message that drinking is not the key to having fun. [Of course, an adults-only tail gate party is something else, entirely.]

3. About that drink; there’s more to it than you think
You’ve read the amounts: 5 ounces of wine, 12 ounces of beer and 1.5 ounces of 80-proof distilled spirits (vodka, gin, scotch) — all equal ONE drink (meaning they all have the same alcohol content). Try measuring each quantity into a glass to see what it looks like. You may be surprised! Even more surprising may be the fact that common drinks adults consume at bars or events often contain two or more drinks of alcohol – each!

4. Don’t Drink and Drive.
You may know you’ve metabolized that drink before you get behind the wheel, but if your children are with you, the message you’re sending is there is a “safe” level of drinking and driving. Donâ’t….

5. Know about the adolescent’s brain development.

You’ll likely be surprised by the new brain research that shows the brain goes through a critical developmental stage that lasts from adolescence through early 20s. Add to that the lack of hindsight (which only comes with experience) and it’s no wonder the answer is a blank stare when you confront your teen with, “What were you thinking?!” It also explains why the drinking age should be 21.

6. Know what’s in your cupboard.
One of the primary sources of alcohol for kids is their parent’s or a friend’s parent’s supply. Keep liquor cabinets locked and monitor refrigerator supplies.

7. Change the rules.
It’s probably a good idea to stop the sleepovers (talk to your child’s friend’s parents to make it unanimous) by the end of Middle School, and set the alarm so you’re up and ready for a chat when curfew brings them home. [Knowing you’re going to be up gives them the excuse to say, “I can’t. My mom/dad is always waiting up for me.”]

8. Find the time.
Sometimes the teen years seem to be all about rules, curfews, homework, being grounded and rants about what they’re doing or not doing. Try to set aside time each week when the two of you do something together (could even be an errand or a trip to the yogurt shop at 9:00 p.m.) where there is no lecture, no criticism — nothing but positive messages and even a few laughs. If you’re wondering what to talk about, ask a question (but not about grades or school or homework or sports or why they weren’t named captain); something like, “Who would you vote for President if you could vote?” Once they can rely on this time and that it’s not a trap for another lecture, they’ll open up and conversations won’t be so hard.

9. Offer alternatives.
Contrary to popular beliefs, not all teens drink before age 20. Various surveys show that at least between 20 and 25% do not.

10. Talk early and often.

Don’t wait until your child enters middle school to talk. Start when they’re in elementary school. Use movies or bill board ads or television commercials as jumping off points to talk about responsible alcohol use and why it’s important to give the brain the time it needs to fully develop.

Helping your child negotiate and avoid the pitfalls of underage drinking can save them from the lifetime of misery associated with alcohol abuse and/or alcoholism. For more information and help with what you can do, check out STOP Underage Drinking, a portal to federal resources that can help parents help their children.

• Bio
• Latest Posts

Lisa Frederiksen

Author | Speaker | Consultant | Founder at BreakingTheCycles.com

Lisa Frederiksen is the author of hundreds of articles and 12 books, including her latest, "10th Anniversary Edition If You Loved Me, You'd Stop! What you really need to know when your loved one drinks too much,” and "Loved One In Treatment? Now What!” She is a national keynote speaker with over 30 years speaking experience, consultant and founder of BreakingTheCycles.com. Lisa has spent the last 19+ years studying and simplifying breakthrough research on the brain, substance use and other mental health disorders, secondhand drinking, toxic stress, trauma/ACEs and related topics.

Latest posts by Lisa Frederiksen (see all)

• Does a Loved One Have to Hit Bottom? - November 20, 2022
• Resources for Parents of Children with Substance Use and Mental Disorders - October 18, 2022
• 4 Things to Support Brain Health and Function for Recovery - August 30, 2022