Choosing Not To Drink
Choosing not to drink can be difficult – not because a person necessarily has trouble not drinking, but rather it’s because of the prodding, probing questions of peers, friends and family, such as: “Why aren’t you drinking?” “Come on, just have a beer.” “Let me pour you a glass of wine – one can’t hurt you.”
Why is it so difficult for people to allow a person choosing not to drink to simply not drink?
One of the common misperceptions heard time and again is that alcohol abuse and alcoholism are one in the same. They are not
Yes, both cause chemical and structural changes in the brain which result in drinking behaviors (e.g., fights with loved ones, DUIs, poor work or school performance), but with alcohol abuse, a person can change their drinking patterns to fall within “moderate” drinking limits or they can choose not to drink. With alcoholism, a person cannot drink any amount. Period. But until they seek recovery, the choice of how much and when to drink is beyond their control. Check out these related posts to better understand these statements:
- Alcohol Use / Abuse / Dependence (Alcoholism) — What’s the Difference?
But the real point of this post is to share the fact that a person who chooses not to drink — whether it’s stopping after a period of alcohol abuse or not starting in the first place — does not mean he or she is an alcoholic. Nor is being an alcoholic a brand of shame. In fact, an alcoholic in recovery is to be celebrated for having the courage to fight and treat a chronic, often relapsing brain disease — a disease unlike any other; a disease that requires not drinking in order for treatment to be successful.
And why am I making these points? To help those who feel they have to comment on a person’s decision to drink or not to drink (e.g., “Really? Are you sure?”), to STOP the comments; and to help those who are worried about their own drinking patterns and what stopping may mean, to better understand it does not necessarily mean they’re an alcoholic, but if they are an alcoholic, then stopping is their only choice.
For all concerned — those making or thinking the comments and those worried about what the comments imply — it’s helpful to learn more about alcohol abuse and alcoholism, and for that, I suggest the following:
Or, click here to immediately access the NIAAA Rethinking Drinking website for a wealth of information, tips for cutting down, and a quiz to anonymously assess your (or a loved one’s) drinking patterns in order to better understand whether those patterns qualify as alcohol use, abuse or dependence (alcoholism).
POINT OF CLARIFICATION added 4.30.11: With alcoholism comes the other four characteristics of the chronic, often relapsing brain disease of addiction: cravings, loss of control, tolerance and physical dependence. With alcohol abuse, those are not present. The drinking behaviors are the same with both, and it is those that are intolerable — especially for their impact on others.
Lisa Frederiksen
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Hi great article thanks for sharing. If you are changing your pattern for eating so that you lose body fat then is it wrong to drink hard liquor?
Hi Rob,
It’s not so much whether it’s hard liquor or beer or wine that contributes to weight loss. Rather, it’s a general understanding that most “drinks” (defined as 1.5 ounces of liquor, 12 ounces of regular beer or 5 ounces of table wine) contain about 100 calories. So drinking 6 beers is drinking about 600 calories. Thus, cutting back on alcohol will cut calories (assuming the calories are not replaced with other beverages and/or food selection). Thanks for your question.
Controlled drinking definitely doesn’t work when you have problems drinking. I found that when I set myself limits, say 4 drinks for example, by the time I’d reach the 4th I was starting to get drunk and a 5th seemed the better choice. By the time I’d finished the 5th a 6th was just such an obvious next step. I had so many nights like this. In the end sheer hard work and will power got me to stop drinking. I’ve been sober 5 years now and everyday I thank my stars that I was able to come through the other end.
Johnny
Congratulations, Johnny, on your sobriety!!! And, thank you for sharing your experience! All Best, Lisa
You’re welcome Lisa, hopefully your blog will inspire others to do the same and choose not to drink..! Johnny