Helping an alcoholic… People often ask me, “How do you get them [alcoholic or drug addict]  to stop?”

In this post, I’d like to answer to that question of what you, a family member or friend, can do when helping an alcoholic stop or seek treatment. I’ll do this by the following anonymous “Open Letter to My Family,” distributed by The Sequoia Center, a drug and alcohol treatment center in Redwood City, CA. The author is an alcoholic and here is what he/she has to say:

Don’t allow me to lie to you and accept it for the truth – in so doing, you encourage me to lie. The truth may be painful but get at it.

Don’t let me outsmart you. This only teaches me to avoid responsibility and to lose respect for you at the same time.

Don’t let me exploit you or take advantage of you. In so doing, you become an accomplice to my evasion of responsibility.

Don’t lecture me, moralize, scold, praise, blame or argue when I’m drunk or sober. And don’t pour out my liquor. You may feel better but the situation will be worse.

Don’t accept my promises. This is just my method of postponing pain. And don’t keep switching agreements. If an agreement is made, stick to it.

Don’t lose your temper with me. It will destroy you and any possibility of helping me.

Don’t allow your anxiety for us to compel you to do what I must do for myself.

Don’t cover up or abort the consequences of my drinking. It reduces the crisis but perpetuates the illness.

Above all, don’t run away from reality as I do. Alcoholism, my illness, gets worse as my use continues. Start now to learn, to understand…

Browse through other posts on this website to learn more about the brain disease of addiction and what family members, friends, co-workers, teachers, clinicians — anyone whose life intersects with that of an addict/alcoholic or that of the addict/alcoholic’s family member  — can and cannot do to help someone “stop.”  You will find the site catagories in the column to the right, along with other helpful information links.

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Lisa Frederiksen

Author | Speaker | Consultant | Founder at BreakingTheCycles.com

Lisa Frederiksen is the author of hundreds of articles and 12 books, including her latest, "10th Anniversary Edition If You Loved Me, You'd Stop! What you really need to know when your loved one drinks too much,” and "Loved One In Treatment? Now What!” She is a national keynote speaker with over 30 years speaking experience, consultant and founder of BreakingTheCycles.com. Lisa has spent the last 19+ years studying and simplifying breakthrough research on the brain, substance use and other mental health disorders, secondhand drinking, toxic stress, trauma/ACEs and related topics.

Latest posts by Lisa Frederiksen (see all)

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