Herself an adult child of an alcoholic, award-winning author of Goodbye America, passionate advocate for children of alcoholics and author of Supreme Sacrifice, Rita Malie, shares what it’s like in the following guest post.

An Adult Child of an Alcoholic Shares Her Story by Rita Malie

When I was born in the 1940’s, there was little assistance for families dealing with alcohol abuse. When problems reached their breaking point, an alcoholic either slept it off at the local AA shelter, was taken into custody to spend the night in jail and released the next day, or was admitted to a Receiving Hospital for therapy with a psychiatrist. In my father’s case, he experienced all of three. Meanwhile, my family was left to our own devices for healing and support, destined for isolation.

I was already married and out of the house when my mother admitted she attended an Al-Anon meeting for the first time. She was frightened when they told her that her children, raised in a world of alcohol abuse, were likely to repeat the cycle. On his daily television program, Dr. Phil McGraw frequently tells parents, “You write on the slate of your children.” With alcoholism, this couldn’t be more true.

For children growing up in an alcoholic home, we can never truly be children. Since our parents were so consumed with their own problems, someone had to be responsible, and that someone was us. Like Janet Geringer Woititiz, author of Adult Children of Alcoholics, writes, “The child of an alcoholic has no age.”

When I was growing up, there was shame attached to being the child of a dysfunctional family. We lived our lives in secret, afraid to shatter the image of the “perfect family.” Today, there are so many resources available for children affected by alcoholism and drug abuse. Last year, I discovered “The Big Red Book”- Adult Children of Alcoholics. For those of us who grew up in alcoholic homes, it is considered the “bible.” By the time it was published in 1983, I was already 43, had been married for 24 years, never attended a support group, recovery program, private therapy, or even heard about the book.

My journey to self-discovery and healing spanned three decades, which included:  marrying at 19, struggling for 17 years to pursue my education while raising a family, discovering inspirational books that put me onto a path of insightful spiritual awareness that opened up a world I had never known; e.g., Wayne Dyer’s Erroneous Zones, Gail Sheehy’s Passages, Louise Hay’s Heal Your Body, Marianne Williamson’s A Return to Love and Deepak Chopra’s Ageless Bodies, Timeless Minds.

My book, Supreme Sacrifice, chronicles my experiences as a child of an alcoholic and my journey of forgiveness and healing. It’s a semi-autobiography told the eyes of the fictional character April Straka, a young woman brought to the depths of despair first by a father’s alcoholism, and then by his tragic and mysterious death.

While it took me years to escape the shame and guilt attached to my father’s alcoholism, I hope that today’s children can use my story, and the stories of countless others, for comfort and hope. My story is just one of millions, and there is a large community of supporters ready to listen. You are not alone.

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