About Letting Go…
Letting go, as the saying goes, is one of the most difficult things to do, I find. So I am always looking for suggestions on how to do this and recently read an interesting approach in Jack Kornfield’s latest book, Bringing Home the Dharma.
Quoting from pages 80-81 of his book, Bringing Home the Dharma:
About Letting Go – Jack Kornfield shares his thoughts in his latest book, Bringing Home the Dharma
…”1. When strong desire, fear, or anger arise, just let it go. Or if you cannot let it go, let it be. To ‘let it be’ is a better expression of letting go anyway, because usually when we hear ‘let it go’ we think of getting rid of it, but we cannot really just get rid of it. To do so is adding more desire, fear, or anger; it is saying in effect, ‘I don’t like this, so I’m going to stop it.’ But that is like trying to get rid of your own arm; this feeling is a prt of us in some way. So instead of ‘letting go,’ letting be means ‘to see it as it is,’ seeing clearly. There is fear, there is anger, there is joy, there is love, there is depression, there is hatred, there is jealousy. Let it be. There is self-judgment. Let it be. Then there is self-pity, then there is delight. They are just different states of mind. The human mind has all of these states, and our task it to let them be, to learn to relate to the mind in a compassionate and wise way.
2. If we are unable to let it be, we can sublimate it. This means to
take the energy of our difficulty and transform it outwardly or inwardly. For example, in working with anger outwardly, we might go out and chop the winder’s wood as a way to transform and use the angry energy. …”
Jack Kornfield continues with other suggestions, but this gives you an idea of a different approach.
Personally, I especially liked his statement, “To ‘let it be’ is a better expression of letting go anyway, because usually when we hear ‘let it go’ we think of getting rid of it, but we cannot really just get rid of it.”
Please use the comments section to share your suggestions on what you do to “let it go.”
Lisa Frederiksen
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Hi Lisa,
Thanks for sharing Jack Kornfield’s wisdom. I do use the term “let it go,” but I definitely see that “let it be” is what we are striving for. We want to acknowledge our feelings, but not be consumed by them. Have the fear, anger, joy and love and see it for what it is. For me, I want to feel as if I am in control of my feelings. I do not want the feelings controlling me or my life.
I agree, which then ties into the idea of boundaries like you shared in Jason Anthony’s post on your blog, today. For me, it’s also about taking the time to really think it through to get at the root of the feeling because often I’m not dealing with the “real” source and so keep myself stuck in a thought loop that I can’t let go of. Such a process…
I totally agree that ‘letting go’ is hard but it is an essential part of personal growth. When I think of the idea of letting go, I am reminded of the serenity prayer which tells us to ‘accept the the things we cannot change’ because it is so much easier to let go of the past if we can accept there there is nothing we can do to change it. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting. It means putting the situation to rest through acceptance and then forgiveness which ultimately releases us from the pain, bitterness, anger of the past.
Thank you so much for sharing your view of ‘letting go’. I remember back in the day, before I found my own recovery through Al-Anon, research and therapy, I used to view that part of the serenity prayer, ‘accept the things we cannot change’, as my challenge to just try harder to figure out the way to change the things… I agree with you very much that finally getting the clarity / understanding to realize it means there is nothing one can do to change something we’ve done in the past [nor can we change the mindset of another person if that person does not want it changed] and that letting go doesn’t mean forgetting but rather acceptance and forgiveness helps. I’ve also found that using a similar view of forgiveness helps, as well. Again, back in the day, I’d viewed forgiveness as washing the slate clean as if it didn’t matter. Now I view it as letting go of the want of a different outcome. Thanks so much for sharing, Carolyn!!