As Kelly Cordovano writes in her guest post shared here, there are many victims of addiction, including families, friends, coworkers and others who have a relationship to the person with this brain disease.

Kelly Cordovano is co-director of Fresh Start Ministries, a men’s rehabilitation center located in Central Florida offering a year-long, residential, faith-based substance abuse program for men. Along with her husband Joe, Kelly works with men who have taken the step to reach sobriety. With over 25 years of rehab teaching under her belt, she has seen people from all walks of life and is well versed in the experiences had by clients. To learn more about Kelly and her work, visit Fresh Start Ministries or the center’s Twitter or LinkedIn sites.

The Many Victims of Addiction by Kelly Cordovano

Addiction does not just take a toll on the addict; it hurts everyone in the addict’s life. Families, friends, coworkers, anyone with a relationship to the addict can and will experience negative side effects. Above everyone else, families are heavily damaged during addiction, but they also play an important role during rehabilitation. It’s critical to note that every family functions differently. Families have their own distinct structures and dynamics, but the general pathway to recovery remains the same.

Surviving Financial Damage

Feeding an addiction is a pricey task. Addictive substances like drugs or alcohol are not free. By purchasing the cheapest beer, an alcoholic can spend upwards of $432 per year. Marijuana addicts spend approximately $1,000 a year. Cocaine addictions cost up to $10,000 a year. Funds that are needed for survival are gone. Instead, addicts view available funds as a way to feed their addiction and they will spend whatever it is necessary to satisfy it. This creates a stressor within the family, especially between spouses. In some cases, addicts steal or lie to attain their vices. In others, the addiction causes the addict to lose their job, and as a result the family has lost an important source of income. They must now work harder to compensate for the money spent on drugs or alcohol.

Overcoming the Emotional Struggle

Addiction affects the addict, not only physically, but mentally as well (and more so). Families of addicts also suffer psychologically. Addiction is a poisonous disease that slowly changes a person’s way of thinking, leading them to become a different person. Families must witness their loved one take on a destructive persona, one unlike the person they once knew. This is especially taxing on children, who must now change their perceptions of their parental figure. This can lead to trust issues among family members, as the addict now displays inconsistency and unreliability.

Often, family members will compensate in some form to find answers during this troubling time. The non-addicted spouse might blame himself or herself for their spouse’s addiction. Studies have shown that children may become surrogate spouses to the parent who abuses substances.

Children of addicts have been shown to adopt individual personas or roles within their family. This can range from being the “family hero,” the one who takes on the most responsibility, or the “scapegoat,” who feels at fault when things go wrong. By taking on these roles, children lose track of their identity and neglect their own needs.

Beyond the Family

Substance abuse damages more than just the nuclear family. Extended family members may feel abandoned, frightened, angry, or embarrassed. Because they are not part of the immediate family, it is easy for them to ignore or cut ties with the addict. Neighbors, co-workers and friends of the addict also experience a negative reaction. The addict loses not just the trust of their family, but everyone they’ve ever interacted with.

A Reason to Recover

According to the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, just as an addict is responsible for their own recovery, a family must take the initiative to recover themselves. Addiction is fundamentally venomous in the way it destroys: it is slow and steady, but powerful. For this reason the family must stay active and work together to prevent further damage, damage that can otherwise be avoided. They can do this by joining a support group. This not only ends the family’s seclusion but also provides them additional insight on addiction. Support groups educate attendees on useful communication skills and endorse family activities. Coming together will grant a family resilience and ultimately bring them closer. It is important to engage any children in the family, as their recovery is vital and will prevent psychological stress down the line.

Helping with Healing

When the damage is done and the addict has made the important decision to get sober, it is up to the family to serve as a support system during the rehabilitation process. Despite what the addict might have said or done under the influence, it is of the utmost importance for the family to be present during recovery. By being vocal and supportive, the family provides the addict an incentive to get better. Addicts often seek the company of other addicts, who then serve as enablers; the presence of family provides the comfort they seek and prevents further enabling. Families can express their concerns to the addict, detailing the destruction the addiction brought about. This can be a cathartic moment for both the addict and the families. Everything is out on the table. It is now time to let go and begin anew.

During a person’s addiction, families are damaged just as much as the addict. But families can also be the key to a full recovery and a new start. If you are a family member touched by addiction, visit our website for more information on how you can help your loved one.