For the last twenty years, today’s guest, author Larry Fritzlan, has witnessed the transformative power of individuals and families in recovery. His passion is to help teens and young adults escape from the downward spiral of addiction, stemming in large part from his work as a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) and his belief “…that the failure to begin addiction treatment with the whole family system is a primary reason for the failure rate of nearly 50% in the addiction industry. We believe professionals need to understand that the client is not the addict, the client is the addicted family system.” In today’s post, Larry shares his passion, beliefs and the reason for writing his book, My Addicted Child.  

To learn more about Larry, visit his website, LarryFritzlan.com.

Interview with Larry Fritzlan, author of “My Addicted Child”

What made you want to write this book now?

We see an urgent need for the information we have, that we have used so successfully to treat addiction, to get out to those who are suffering in a much broader way. We believe the evidence-based, family systems approach that we use will someday become the norm in treating addiction.

What is different about the family systems approach to treating addiction?

What happens today for many addicts who are looking for treatment is they go to a 30-day treatment program—what we call the “spin dry” approach, and then are turned out with a suggestion to go find a 12-step program for support. That is why treatment today after one year has only a 40-60% success rate. We know that addiction is a brain disease, that there are many steps needed to restore normal functioning to the brain, and 30 days isn’t long enough. Moreover, if the family system is not treated alongside with treating the addict, the system itself will pull the addict right back into addiction. We believe professionally guided treatment needs to be at least one year in length. What we do is create a plan for the first year, for every person in the family.

Why is this book focused on parents of addicts? Why is that important?

Parents of addicts are in a very difficult place. Watching your child in the throes of addiction is hard. Before your eyes, your child becomes someone you don’t recognize. Parents, out of love and fear, tend to do exactly the wrong things. when they see their child heading down this path. As parents, we want to protect our children from harm, but unfortunately that urge when dealing with an addict becomes what we call enabling, which hampers the addict’s ability to get the help they need.

We know though that there are things to do now, when the child is still under 18, that can interrupt the pattern. We want to help parents intervene at the earliest possible time and not let the addiction progress and the damage become severe. Addiction kills. Teen addicts die from substance use, and we want parents to be aware of the dangers of drugs, to seek evaluation and treatment for their child, and address any substance abuse in children as soon as they notice any potential signs. Legally, parents or guardians are responsible for the wellbeing of minors. It would be negligent of them to observe addiction progressing and becoming more severe in a minor who is under their charge, before intervening.

You, Larry, talk in the book about your own experience with addiction. Why did you decide to share your story?

In my story, I show how at age 14 I had already become addicted. I was neglected by well-meaning but ignorant adults: my parents, doctors, teachers, and other adults who, if they had the right information and the right tools, could have intervened right then. It would have been so much easier and cheaper! Instead, it took another 25 years for me to get help, and it was a very long intense process of rewiring the neuronal networks in my brain to get myself to the place where I was a healthy, functioning adult. I use my story as an example of the hard way. There are millions like me who “made it” but we comprise only a small percentage of the estimated 30-45 million addicts still suffering and not receiving help.

What are the main things you want parents to know about addiction?

1-Addiction is a serious, potentially life-threatening disease of faulty brain chemistry and structure. There is a biological component, and it is a disease that occurs to anyone of any class.
2-In the throes of this brain disease, the midbrain continually overrides the rational, thinking brain. Most addicts are in denial about how they (their rational selves) are not in control.
3-Professionals define it by the 4 c’s: craving, loss of control, continuing despite adverse consequences, and chronicity
4-As addiction progresses, it changes the brain

You talk in the book about how difficult it can be for parents to discern the difference between “normal teen” behaviors and the onset of addiction. What are ways parents can tell the difference?

With teenagers, it is the parents’ job to see that their child is kept safe and is socialized in a way that will allow him or her to ultimately become self-sufficient, to work and start their own family, and to become a contributing member of the larger society. However, a healthy teen’s goal is to stand up for themselves, to not rely on the family, to be free, to make their own decisions. We often find ourselves telling parents the following: “If you are the parent of a teen and there is not a crisis going on, you are not paying attention.” The crisis is built in. The parents’ job, in effect, is to say, “You are our child, and our job is to train (socialize, educate, influence) you to be a healthy adult, and we have some clear ideas of what that looks like.” The teen, unconsciously, in effect is saying, “Screw you and your ideas; I have my own ideas; in fact I resent the fact that you still have the power to set curfews and restrict my life. I want to run my own life; I want out of this nest.” This is often what it’s like in many normal, healthy families.

Drug use makes this process much more complicated and exponentially raises the risk of an unsuccessful “launching” — getting your “good enough” kid to move out of the house and support himself on his own resources. This is where “enabling” starts. When parents choose to allow the use of drugs (or alcohol, or all-night video games, etc.) they enable what comes next, because they always have the power to minimize or stop the harmful behavior. They can set and enforce appropriate boundaries that keep their child on a healthy track, or that get him back on track, if he veers off course.

We encourage parents to reflect on potentially problematic behaviors they may have observed in their child. (We have even created a questionnaire to assist in this process.) Signs include changes in sleeping patterns, moodiness, disinterest in after school activities, different friends, and secrecy.

What do you think society as a whole needs to do?

We believe that the failure to begin addiction treatment with the whole family system is a primary reason for the failure rate of nearly 50% in the addiction industry. We believe professionals need to understand that the client is not the addict, the client is the addicted family system.

What do you want people to take away from the book?

We want people to know that healing is possible. On this path, addicted families can begin to build healthy, heart-centered relationships and joyful lives of long-term sobriety and serenity. We believe, barring any unusual complications, every individual and every family is capable of rewiring their neuronal networks to reach this goal.