Getting Sober While Also Grieving

By Guest Author |

It’s difficult to imagine trying to get sober from substance use disorder while also grieving the loss of a beloved parent. Grief, in and of itself, can be overwhelming and difficult to move through.  But to also be treating a sever substance order at the same — having to turn away from the “thing” that seemingly helped you through difficult feelings in the past — can seem overwhelming.

Today’s guest author, Daniel Wittler, shares his experience with getting sober while also grieving. Daniel is an Outreach Specialist for Recovery Local, a local addiction/recovery based marketing company, and he advocates long-term sobriety by writing for websites like journeypure.com/blog, providing resources to recovering addicts and shedding light on drug addiction. Daniel believes that absolutely anyone can get sober provided they are ready to take action in their own life.

Getting Sober While Also Grieving by Daniel Wittler

Guest author, Daniel Wittler, share’s his story of getting sober while also grieving the death of his father.

I got sober on May 17, 2015. It is the greatest thing I have ever done for myself. March 17th, 2015, 2 months prior, the worst thing that’s ever happened to me occurred. My father died. He had a heart attack while sleeping on his couch at 60 years old. I was 26 when he died. My life had already been rough from about 8 years of substance abuse but this completely shattered me. My father was my best friend and biggest supporter. Once he passed, I had felt more hopeless than ever that I had a shot of recovering, but I stand here today not only as a sober individual but as someone who has accepted the loss of my father and found the silver linings in it. Here are a couple things from my own experience to help with anyone who is trying to manage sobriety while losing a loved one.

Look back on the good times you had.

I’ll never forget the first person I told about my father’s passing after I found out. He told me that he never knew his father and that he grew up in 8 different foster homes with a lot of issues in each. That hit me hard, it made me almost instantly reflect on how lucky I was to even have a supportive, loving father and that not everyone is quite so fortunate. Whoever the person you lost is, do yourself a favor and think about your favorite moments with them, find pictures of you together and just soak in the nostalgia. Pictures with my dad had become so much more special to me once he was gone, I still look at them all the time. The memories I have with my dad, which were plenty, have kept me afloat when I find myself missing him the most. I had many emotional moments in early sobriety where I just wish he was with me and I always brought it back to the fact that I was just glad I had him for 26 years of my life and that he was remembered as a great father over anything else. Hold those good times close to your heart, they will never leave you.

Honor those you have lost.

Before I lost my father, he made it very clear throughout life that all he ever wanted was for his children to be happy and successful, that was all he cared about. I was devastated when I first lost him, cried myself to sleep every night. The first thought that motivated me to go and get sober was that all he would want from me at that moment was to get sober and go live a fulfilling life. It’s a simple thought but it had the most powerful inspiration I had ever felt in my life. My dad spent a lot of time teaching me morals, values and lessons about life from his own experience. My drive to get sober came back when I knew that if I finally applied what he taught me in life, my guilt and shame would go away because I would no longer feel like he wasted his time on me while he was alive. I fairly quickly made the connection that the only way I could truly survive losing him was if I went to make a life for myself, I can’t not overstate how true that sentiment was. Whoever it is that you lost, what would they want you to do with your life whether they were still around or not? The answers are usually pretty clear when it comes to entering recovery, let that inspire you. I tell people all the time that the way I live day by day is me honoring my dad.

Remember, you still have other people in your life that love you and are alive.

For me, losing a parent made me even more grateful that I had another parent who was still alive and provided the same amount of unconditional love that my father had. Obviously not everyone will be in the same situation as me, but ask yourself, ‘Who else is in my life that loves me’?. There are sure to be others, learn to value that love while they are still around. There are two paths we have when somebody we loves passes away. We can live in self-pity the rest of our lives and let it define us or we could reflect on it, learn from it and most importantly, grow from it. Staying sober and being able to accept my dad being gone is the most emotionally charged and growth-inspiring event in my whole life and I continue to get stronger as I help out others in the same situation. I hope my story finds you well and helps you heal. God bless.

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