The link between sexual trauma and addiction can be significant. As I wrote in my article, “Treating ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Helps With Addiction Recovery,”

Treating ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences, which are extremely stressful or traumatic events occurring before the age of 18, can go a long, long way to helping a person with addiction (aka, with a substance use disorder) succeed in long-term recovery. Why? Because of the role ACEs play in changing a child’s brain wiring and mapping, making that child’s brain more susceptible to the key risk factors for developing a substance use disorder.

Today’s guest author, Kailey Fitzgerald, is sharing her personal story of the link between experiencing sexual trauma as a child and developing addiction and what she did to heal her brain and change her life. Kailey is a writer for https://www.thediscoveryhouse.com/, an addiction and dual-diagnosis treatment center. She is passionate about spreading awareness and breaking stigmas in relation to substance abuse and mental health disorders.

The Link Between Sexual Trauma and Addiction by Kailey Fitzgerald

Guest author, Kailey Fitzgerald, shares her story of recovery and the link between sexual trauma and addiction.

I started partying at the young age of 12. I was always hanging around an older and tougher crowd, so I had access to any substance I wanted to use to numb my racing mind and turbulent emotions. In the beginning, I was only partying on the weekends and was living a sort of double-life. During the week, I was an honor-roll student who never got in trouble and always did what was asked of her. As soon as the school bells rang on Friday afternoon, I would trade in my teacher’s pet reputation for the party girl infamy.

Sexual Trauma

When I was around 13, I went to a party on the 4th of July. I ended up binge-drinking and taking prescription pills that were given to me by an older man. I woke up in a strange place, next to a strange person, and unable to recall anything that happened after taking those pills. I immediately ran out of the house and called my mom to pick me up. I ended up asking my “friends” about the events that had transpired that night, and finally pieced together the fact that I had been sexually assaulted. I felt ugly and unworthy of love. Any sliver of self-worth that I had was gone, and I swore to myself that I would keep this a secret from everyone. I believed that if people knew, everyone would hate me as I hated myself.

As I got older, I started to seek any kind of validation I could find. I wanted to feel wanted because I didn’t believe that anything about me was desirable. I would go to every party that I could find and took attention from anyone who would give it to me. I went down a path of promiscuity because I believed the only way a boy would like me was if I slept with them. Meanwhile, my self-worth continued to dwindle. All I could do to make myself feel better was to seek instant gratification from using a substance or letting a man use me.

Hitting My Bottom

I ended up going to a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with Bipolar disorder and put me on medication. I began to use drugs in synchronicity with my mood stabilizers once I noticed that the medication was not helping relieve my symptoms, which led to a seizure. Having a drug-induced seizure at only 15 years old should seem like a wake-up call, but I was unable to stop using substances. I began to use my diagnosis as an excuse to use drugs, saying things like “If you knew what my life was like, you would get high too”. I was completely naive to the fact that using these substances would eventually cause me more harm than good and I had absolutely no care for my own well-being.

Eventually, I crossed over the barrier as a weekend warrior to a daily drug user. If I didn’t take something to ease my mind, I would begin to go through withdrawals that made me feel as if I was literally dying. I had no idea why my drug use had become a necessity so quickly, but all I wanted was to be happy. I always thought that if I had the next best thing, the newest clothes or the hottest boyfriend, that I would feel better about myself. I tried every single quick fix that I could think of and nothing was working. Suicide seemed to be the only option left. When I had attempted suicide, I thankfully failed and landed in a dual-diagnosis treatment center.

Beginning to Heal the Link Between Sexual Trauma and Addiction

In treatment, I began to learn how to use radical acceptance as a tool that would eventually help me love myself again. Radical acceptance is described as the act of totally accepting something from your past, usually a tragic event, in order to come to terms with your pain so that you can eventually move on from it in a healthy manner. Going through various forms of trauma therapy allowed me to get to the root of my drug abuse problem. Not only was I suffering from PTSD and low self-esteem, but my unresolved trauma was also causing me to manifest emotions and symptoms similar to what some people with bipolar disorder experience; such as fits of rage, insomnia, an inability to connect on an intimate level, and dissociation. I was shocked when my treatment therapist told me that unresolved trauma could mimic Bipolar disorder, but at the same time, the discovery made so much sense to me because when I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder the medication never worked for me and the diagnosis just didn’t feel correct.

Being aware of the core issues that I had been suffering from gave me the foundation I needed to begin recovery. Without healing the scars that were left from my sexual assault, I don’t think I would be able to be where I am today. I have reached a point of true happiness, an emotion that I never saw possible for myself. I have learned how to carry myself as a survivor, rather than playing the victim and causing further emotional damage for myself. Today my life consists of constant diligence and awareness when it comes to my character defects and promptly correcting them, as well as making sure that I help others who are going through the same things that I have recovered from.

• Bio
• Latest Posts

Guest Author

Latest posts by Guest Author (see all)

• Children of Alcoholics | Guest Author Darlene Lancer - July 5, 2021
• Parental Alcohol Use Disorder Causes Trauma - May 12, 2021
• Opioid Overdose Prevention Tips & Resources - April 26, 2021