Mixed Messages On Teen Drinking
Mixed messages on teen drinking can be a problem. Understanding the impacts of alcohol on the developing brains can help parents/adults frame an alternative message.
What happens when adults/parents send mixed messages on teen drinking? While their intent is clear — keep teens safe — the way a teen hears a parent or an adult’s message can have an adverse result. Yet, saying nothing doesn’t work, either.
To help parents/adults with some of these very important conversations, I’ve provided three scenarios below. Within each scenario, I offer a common adult/parent’s message, followed by the way teens often interpret that message. Then I offer information parents/adults can use to frame an alternative message. So this is not about what parents/adults should say. It’s about arming them with information to frame the messages they want their teens to understand and hear.
Drinking and Driving (or Accepting Rides)
Parent/adult message: If you’re going to drink, don’t drive – call me. Please – no questions asked – just call me.
Teen’s interpretation: It’s okay to drink as long as I don’t drive.
Information to help with an alternative parent/adult message:
What teens really need to understand is that it’s often too late to make that call to a parent or decline a ride from a friend who’s had just a few when that teen has been drinking, themselves. And that’s because of the way alcohol interrupts important brain functioning related to judgement and cause and effect type decisions. Watch this short video to better understand why: DUI: Is it a Choice or an Accident?
Teaching a Teen to Drink so They Will Drink Safely
Parent/Adult’s message: I think it’s important you learn how to drink so that you’ll know how to drink safely.
Teen’s interpretation: It’s okay to drink even though I’m not 21.
Information to help with an alternative parent/adult message:
There are good reasons to delay drinking until 21. One has to do with the brain going through its final stages of development. A second reason is that drinking during adolescence is one of the key risk factors for developing an alcohol use disorder.
Check out this blog post, “How Teens Become Alcoholics Before Age 21.” Additionally, check out this short video, “Can You ‘Teach’ a Teen to Drink Safely?” and download this PDF chapter excerpt from my latest book on Basic Brain Facts. It explains brain wiring, mapping and development from in utero though early-to-mid twenties. Another resource is this short video, “Thanks to Puberty, Just Say ‘No’ Can Be Difficult for Tweens and Teens.”
Hosting Teen Parties and Serving Alcohol
Parent/adult’s message: I’d rather they drink here, and I take away the car keys. That way, no one will get hurt.
Teen’s interpretation: Mom / Dad will watch out and keep everyone safe so party down!
Information to help with an alternative parent/adult message:
The majority of teens who drink don’t drink to savor the taste or enjoy a beer or two. (Think Beer Pong.) They drink to get drunk, or if not intentionally drunk, they drink in quantities that will get them drunk. As a parent hosting such a party, you cannot keep track of how much is being consumed (think Water Bottle), nor who comes/where they are (think BACKYARD and there is no guest list [think cell phone/Facebook blasts]).
Additionally, because the young brain is not fully developed, teens can often drink far more alcohol than adults before they pass out, for example, but that does not mean their brains are handling it. The liver can only metabolize about one drink per hour (a very rough average)… eight drinks is a lot of alcohol “sitting” in the brain (easy to do when you’re playing Beer Pong and ‘doing’ shots), waiting for eight hours to be metabolized by the liver.
Check out this short video, “The Only Thing that Can Sober a Person Up is Time.”
Bottom Line re: Mixed Messages on Teen Drinking
It can be so difficult to navigate the high school years and what to do about drinking. As parents, we all want to do what’s best for our children. But new research is giving us new insights as to how alcohol works on the brain and how the brain develops. Hopefully the above can help. Most importantly, talk early and often (not lecture, but talk) with your teens — sometimes using the science can help. And know, it’s never too late to change your prior decisions on these topics.
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Note: This post is an updated version of the original post titled, “Underage Drinking: When Adults Send Mixed Messages,” published 12/17/12.
Lisa Frederiksen
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These are great tips on how to deal with the different teen scenarios that might come up, Lisa. I agree with all your suggestions, as once a teen is drinking, it is hard to make a rational decision. Great to clear up the myth about having a teen drink at home. That can lead to earlier substance use problems. Teen parties with alcohol are definitely not a good idea. Not only is it sending the wrong message, but there can be legal implications as well. Great tips here!
Thanks Cathy – as someone who works as a parent recovery coach, you have a great deal of experience with and understanding of this topic.
Another amazing and informative topic Lisa! How have you been? I hope well and blessed. Since I have seen you have released a new book, I wanted to do a re-share of the awesome interview we did on your website in 2016.
I did a little updated version to SHARE ALL ABOUT You and the New Book too! Here is the Link and I hope it brings some Book Sales! LOL. I wanted to help out and thanks for all you do in sharing the message of Recovery and HOPE. https://betfreerecoverynow.wordpress.com/2020/02/26/breaking-the-cycles-with-lisa-frederiksen-an-important-resource-and-a-must-visit-recovery-website/
Love and Blessings,
Catherine
Thank you very much, Catherine!! I really appreciate you doing this for me. I hope you are doing well, and thank you for all of your efforts to break the cycles!