What Now – When Your Loved One Drinks Too Much
When your loved one drinks too much – what now? After 16+ years of doing this work, even I am surprised by the significant increase in emails I’m receiving from readers under Covid-19 stay-at-home orders. They’ve discovered hidden bottles or caught their loved one in lies covering up their relapse. They’ve realized they just can’t do it anymore — the years of coping with their loved ones drinking has killed the trust and love and now they want to divorce. But how in this time of job loss, reduced incomes, decimated portfolios (for those lucky enough to have one), working from home with children trying to do school online, and yet another promise that this time they’ll stop can they even begin to begin the process of divorce? They’re trying to figure out just how much their loved one is drinking, and then – what should/can they say to them?
What Now – When Your Loved One Drinks Too Much
To help readers find answers to these and other questions, here are five posts that have driven readers to contact me. (Note: though several were written years ago, they’ve been reviewed and updated recently for relevance and accuracy.)
Hidden Half-Empty Bottles – Should I Dump Them Out or ???
Some variation of this question comes up often, “I found hidden half-empty bottles of vodka all over the house. Should I dump them out? I did that the last time, and he accused me of snooping…not trusting him.”
I remember that sick, kicked-in-the-gut feeling when I found my loved ones’ hidden half-empty bottles. Sometimes I’d collect them all and line them up on the kitchen counter – to let Alex know I knew. (For those who know my story, I have had several loved ones, male and female, who’ve abused or were dependent on alcohol, to whom I’ve given the composite name, Alex, and the pronoun, he.) Sometimes I’d dump them out and leave the empties, and sometimes I’d grab one and track Alex down and confront him, shaking that half-empty bottle, screeching a venom filled spew – my anger, rage and hurt tumbling forth in waves.
None of it worked.
And now I know why. Read the rest of this post…
Alcohol By Volume (ABV) and “Proof” Explained
Alcohol By Volume (ABV) can be very difficult to determine. (Another term you often hear related to ABV is “proof.”) But it’s an important concept to understand in order to stay in control of one’s drinking, which is why I have updated my 2011 post on this topic.
I’m updating this post because one of the most common reasons people find themselves inadvertently drinking more than they’d intended is the confusion that surrounds the idea of “A” (one) drink. Another reason is the confusion about how much alcohol is in a particular type of alcoholic beverage (in other words, the alcohol by volume). When a person drinks too much – loses control of their drinking – they increase the likelihood of their causing harm to themselves and others. Read the rest of this post…
Fears for Children When Divorcing an Alcoholic
The thought of divorcing an alcoholic is terrifying for so many reasons, but when one has children, it can be paralyzing. As one reader said to me, “I am terrified to divorce because my children aren’t safe with him.” Read the rest of this post…
Why Addicts | Alcoholics Lie, Cheat, Steal
Why addicts | alcoholics lie, cheat, steal from those they love the most – WHY? why? WHY?!?*% – becomes one of the many pressing questions that swirl through the minds of those who love them. At first loved ones are baffled and question themselves, wracking their brains to replay conversations and actions taken, “Maybe I misunderstood what he said when I asked.” “I know I just went to the ATM, yesterday – which purse was I carrying?” And then family members graduate to making outright excuses, “He must have needed the money.” “I’m sure he was at his girlfriend’s, and she doesn’t use so he must be telling us the truth.” Read the rest of this post…
What to Say to Someone With a Drinking Problem
What to say to someone with a drinking problem? Where to begin!
If you’re reading this post, you have likely been hurt, frustrated, concerned, angered, and/or scared by a loved one’s drinking. You’ve likely tried talking, yelling, cajoling, negotiating, looking the other way, believing their promise(s) to stop or cut down, but so far, nothing’s worked. I receive numerous emails and phone calls every week from people in this situation, and I know what they’re feeling. I’ve been there myself. Read the rest of this post…
For Help When Your Loved One Drinks Too Much
I welcome readers to send me an email to schedule a free phone, Skype, What’sApp or Zoom call (whichever works best for them). These calls generally last about an hour and begin the process of answering a reader’s questions. I also encourage readers to check out my latest book (released November 2019), 10th Anniversary Edition If You Loved Me, You’d Stop! What you really need to know when your loved one drinks too much.
Most importantly – there are answers and resources – things really can change – your life really can get better.
Lisa Frederiksen
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