Recovery from addiction. Just three words — Keep It Simple. Such a big meaning, such a confusing concept – especially for those living with the family disease of addiction. Questions swirl: What does a person do? How is it done? Can it possibly work? Where do I start? If it’s not me but my family member, what can I do?

Recovery From Addiction – Whether You’re the Person With a Problem or Their Family Member or Friend – Can Be Confusing – Especially In the Beginning.

I gave one of my favorite presentations at a treatment center last night, “Understanding Neural Networks and the Brain, Unlocking the Secrets to Addiction (Alcohol and Drugs) and Its Impacts on the Family.” It’s one I give to the drug addict/alcoholic clients and their family members. It’s so heartening to see their spirits lift as they come to better understand addiction for what it is – a chronic, often relapsing brain disease – and learn more about how a person “gets addiction,” how and why the brain is involved in addiction, and that it’s the brain disease aspect of addiction that changes a person’s behaviors when they have the substance in their systems. Equally heartening is to see their spirits lift as they come to better understand the brain changes and trauma suffered by family members – to better appreciate it was their chronically activated fight-or-flight system that made them feel (and often act) so crazy, out of control, scared, anxious… running on empty, running on fear alone. Feelings, by the way, that are very similar to those felt by the drug addict/alcoholic.

But one thing that really comes through every time I give this presentation is an overwhelming sense of, “Oh my gosh — this is so overwhelming — now what?” It’s so scary to even think about what all has to happen between here and there (wherever there is). And so I wanted to share what I tell my groups, take a deep breath, break it down — anything you do towards the positive is a move in the right direction.

Here are my “First Things First” suggestions for early Recovery From Addiction:

The first thing to understand is “The Dance of the Family Disease of Addiction.” This is important as it drives home the point that either “side” (either the addict|alcoholic or the family member|friend) can start the change regardless of whether the other “side” is fully on board or even wants to start.

Accept that addiction is a chronic, often relapsing brain disease, aka brain disorder.

This website section from the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), “Drugs, Brains and Behaviors: the Science of Addiction,” can help. Note: alcohol is considered a drug.

Learn as much as you can about what happens in the brain of an addict | alcoholic as a result of the brain disease of addiction and about what happens in the brains of the family member, as well.

I wrote my latest book, 10th Anniversary Edition If You Loved Me, You’d Stop! What you really need to know when you’re loved one drinks too much (2019) for just this reason. To help the drug addict/alcoholic, spouse, child, grandparent, friend… anyone who is trying to understand what’s happened and how in the heck you find a way out. It’s available in kindle/ebook and paperback.

Let go of the old notion of control.

For the drug addict/alcohol, that means to let go of the idea that you have ANY control over your brain (therefore your behaviors, what you say, what you feel or what you do) if you have any amount of your substance of choice in your body. For the family member, that means to let go of the idea that you have ANY control over your loved one’s recovery — there is absolutely no way you can control another person’s brain. The only brain you can change is your own, the “how” of which is thoroughly covered in the last half of the book I just referenced.

Do what you can to improve your diet, get regular exercise and get enough sleep.

It’s remarkable what science is now proving about the role nutrition, exercise and sleep play in a person’s BRAIN health. And to heal oneself from an addiction or the brain changes associated with chronic stress is to heal one’s brain. This post shares why this is so important, “Here’s to Neural Networks!”

Bottom Line

I grant you, these suggestions won’t get you to there, but they will get you started. Healing oneself from an addiction or oneself from the chronic stress of living with it — is all about healing the brain — rewiring it. These suggestions will get you started, and then, you can let in second and third and fourth things….

Just know — it really, really does get better. All you have to do is start.

If you have additional questions and would like to schedule a phone call (there is no charge), send me an email to lisaf@BreakingTheCycles.com

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Note: This post was originally published under this same title on November 15, 2011. It was updated and the url date changed to 11/15/20. Some comments may have been posted on the original.

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Lisa Frederiksen

Author | Speaker | Consultant | Founder at BreakingTheCycles.com

Lisa Frederiksen is the author of hundreds of articles and 12 books, including her latest, "10th Anniversary Edition If You Loved Me, You'd Stop! What you really need to know when your loved one drinks too much,” and "Loved One In Treatment? Now What!” She is a national keynote speaker with over 30 years speaking experience, consultant and founder of BreakingTheCycles.com. Lisa has spent the last 19+ years studying and simplifying breakthrough research on the brain, substance use and other mental health disorders, secondhand drinking, toxic stress, trauma/ACEs and related topics.

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