Secondhand drinking is what happens to the wife at work, unable to concentrate, because she’s worried her husband’s boss will fire him for calling in sick, again, after drinking heavily the night before – worried they’ll lose their home if he loses his job.

Secondhand drinking is what happens to the child who’s on the receiving end of his parents drinking behaviors, such as their repeated arguments about the drinking – the boy who is unable to sleep at night, to concentrate in school the next day, who becomes isolated and angry because he can’t make the fighting stop.

The health consequences of secondhand drinking | drugging (SHD) can be as far-reaching as those experienced by the person with an alcohol or drug use disorder.  They are the impacts experienced by the family member or friend who is repeatedly on the receiving end of a person’s drinking or other drug use or substance use disorder behaviors. What are these?

Drinking or Other Drug Use or Substance Use Disorder Behaviors Behaviors

• Fighting with friends or family about the drinking; saying or doing things you don’t remember or regret.
• Changes in personality or attitude.
• Sudden mood swings, irritability or angry outbursts.
• Driving while under the influence; getting a DUI (DWI); riding in a car driven by someone who has been drinking. [Speaking of getting a DUI. According to the California Department of Motor Vehicles website, a person weighing 110-129 lbs. and having 2 drinks in an hour will probably have a Blood Alcohol Content (BAC) of .08. A person weighing 130-149 lbs. and having 3 drinks in 2 hours will probably have a BAC of .08. And a person weighing 170-189 lbs. and having 4 drinks in 2 hours will also likely have a BAC of .08. A BAC of .08 will result in an arrest for a DUI/DWI. Additionally, even if a person only registers a BAC of .04, he/she can still be charged with a DUI – the charge is driving while impaired.]
• Experiencing blackouts – fragmentary or complete; vomiting; passing out.
• Doing poorly at work or school because of the drinking or recovering from the effects of drinking.
• Having unplanned unwanted or unprotected sex; committing date rape.
• Being admitted to the emergency room with a high Blood Alcohol Content (BAC), in addition to the “real” reason (e.g., broken arm, feel down the stairs, auto accident).
• Binge drinking (defined as drinking 4 or more standard drinks on an occasion for women; 5 or more for men).

Health Consequences of Secondhand Drinking | Secondhand Drugging

Something most of us do not fully understand is the physical and emotional consequences to the health of a family member or friend that are caused by secondhand drinking/drugging (SHD). These health consequences are the result of the repetitive activation of the brain and body’s instinctual fight-or-flight stress response system. For many family members and friends, this system instinctively engages as they try to cope, control, minimize, deny, protect self and others when faced with a loved one’s chronic substance misuse with little or no understanding of the condition/disease.

Taking an excerpt from my latest book, 10th Anniversary Edition If You Loved Me, You’d Stop! released November 2019:

How the Fight or Flight Stress Response Works in GENERAL Terms

When a person’s brain receives a cue that signals danger or a threat of some kind that cue triggers the release of key stress hormones: adrenaline, norepinephrine, and cortisol. These stress hormones cause a number of things to happen primarily to prepare the body to run (take flight) or to fight – such as tensing muscles (like those in the shoulders and back) to protect the body against injury or pain.71

These surges of stress hormones cause blood vessels under the skin to constrict to prevent blood loss in case of injury; endorphins to kick in to blunt pain; and the digestive system to shut down in order to conserve glucose for the energy needed to run or fight.72 These stress hormones also cause the bronchial tubes of the lungs to dilate in order to carry more oxygen to the muscles; the blockage of insulin receptors at the nonessential tissues and organ sites in order to increase the flow of glucose to areas needed for fighting or running,73 and an increase in heart rate and blood flow to the large muscles so as to enable a person to “run faster, jump higher.”

It’s impressive what our bodies can do in such a short time without “thinking” about it! Recall the light switch comparison. Our fight-or- flight stress response system can activate as fast as flipping on a light switch. That is, it’s as fast as the brief moment it takes to carry the electrical current from the switch on the wall to the light bulb on the ceiling – which is why/how we can jump out of the way of an oncoming car.

All of these bodily reactions occur because the instinctual hardwiring of our fight-or-flight stress response was “built in” to be triggered by cues that signal physical danger in order to keep humans safe. This response was a vital instinct for early humans whose primary danger was physical. “Run or fight but don’t just stand there – that’s a gigantic woolly mammoth coming at you!”

This fight-or-flight stress response system is also “designed” to shut down access to important areas of the Cerebral Cortex – namely the prefrontal cortex – so the person doesn’t take time to ponder the situation. They simply react. If you step off the curb when the “walk” sign comes on and look up as a careening car is barreling down on you, you don’t stand there wondering why the driver is not stopping. You jump back to the curb. This instantaneous reaction is thanks to the stress response shut- down of access to important areas in the Cerebral Cortex.

But as you’ll recall from Chapter 4, it is these important areas in the Cerebral Cortex where neural networks and brain maps involved with reasoning, judgment, perception, hindsight, and memory are located. These are what allow a person to “decide” whether the presenting stress trigger is actually a real threat or danger, which is an important function when the “danger” is not necessarily life threatening. Basically, we can think of these areas as the shut-off valve on the stress response.

For early man, however, with a much shorter, 25-year average life span and a very simple lifestyle (basically eat, stay safe, and reproduce),  this fight-or-flight stress response system working the way it does was critical to the survival of the human species. And, it still is!

 

How Toxic Stress Hijacks the Brain

Today, however, with our longer life spans and more complex lifestyles, the fight-or-flight stress response is triggered more often than not by emotions, like anger, fear, frustration, and worry, over “things” or “situations” other than actual physical danger.74

The neural networks involved with emotions are also centered in the Limbic System. Because emotions are what “drive” the actions of our brains, they profoundly affect our decision-making and judgment – or lack thereof – when the fight-or-flight stress response system is being repeatedly activated.

Thus all of the physiological changes occurring when emotions, rather than actual physical danger, trigger the fight-or-flight system – the increased glucose, heart rate, and blood flow, for example – still occur. But, for the most part, a person does not engage in the physical activity (the fighting or running) that expends the energy these physiological changes are meant to support. Instead, all of that “stuff” just “sits” and “marinates” in various body organs and tissues, like the heart, brain, muscles, and stomach. It is generally not reabsorbed or expended like it is with positive or tolerable stress. In this manner, stress becomes toxic.

The physical and/or emotional health consequences of toxic stress, of all that “stuff” just “sitting” in various body organs and tissues, are many, as I’ve stated previously. They include headaches, stomach ailments, skin rashes, hair loss, racing heartbeat, back pain, muscle aches, anxiety, depression, migraines, difficulty concentrating, vertigo, and the like. These are the symptoms of toxic stress. And you can appreciate why these symptoms occur. If the digestive system is being shut down repeatedly to conserve glucose for energy to fight or run, that can cause stomach problems. If the blood vessels to the skin are repeatedly constricted to prevent blood loss in case of injury, it’s no wonder a person can develop skin problems, as well as headaches and migraines. If shoulder and back muscles repeatedly tense to protect the body in case of injury or pain, it’s no wonder so many of us complain of tightness and pain in these areas.

Given a family member routinely experiencing secondhand drinking is constantly on high alert, their fight-or-flight stress-response system is constantly reacting in “fight, flight, freeze, or appease” mode. When a drunken person starts calling you names and comes raging towards you, for example, fear triggers your fight-or-flight stress response and you react. You may try to get out of the way. You may start yelling. You may leave the house. But, in general, you don’t just stand there.

What Can You Do?

Learn more about substance use disorders.

Learn what you can do to protect yourself from SHD and how you can take back control of your live.

Feel free to send me an email at lisaf@BreakingTheCycles.com to arrange a phone call to talk about your specific concerns. There is no charge.

Read my latest book, 10th Anniversary Edition If You Loved Me, You’d Stop! What you really need to know when your loved one drinks too much. (It’s relevant to those experiencing secondhand drugging, as well).

_____________

This post was originally published under the same name September 16, 2010. I was updated on April 16, 2020.

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Lisa Frederiksen

Author | Speaker | Consultant | Founder at BreakingTheCycles.com

Lisa Frederiksen is the author of hundreds of articles and 12 books, including her latest, "10th Anniversary Edition If You Loved Me, You'd Stop! What you really need to know when your loved one drinks too much,” and "Loved One In Treatment? Now What!” She is a national keynote speaker with over 30 years speaking experience, consultant and founder of BreakingTheCycles.com. Lisa has spent the last 19+ years studying and simplifying breakthrough research on the brain, substance use and other mental health disorders, secondhand drinking, toxic stress, trauma/ACEs and related topics.

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