Secondhand Drinking: Society’s Problem
Secondhand drinking is society’s problem. Most of us are unaware (don’t notice) it exists in our workplaces, schools, families and communities. Most of us don’t know nearly 80 million Americans are directly affected, as are hundreds of millions more worldwide. This count doesn’t include those indirectly affected. As such, you or someone you know are likely amongst the people who have experienced it.
So what is this about, why this term and why should you care?
Direct & Indirect Secondhand Drinking (SHD)
The term, secondhand drinking (SHD), refers to the negative impacts of a person’s drinking behaviors on others (explained in sections below).
Drinking behaviors occur with a variety of drinking patterns: binge drinking, heavy drinking, alcohol abuse and alcoholism.
As you’ve likely gathered, there are two sides to the problem. On one side is the person doing the drinking that causes drinking behaviors (see side bar). On the other is the person experiencing secondhand drinking. And it is an unbalanced equation to be sure. The secondhand drinking side is conservatively estimated to be five times the number of persons on the drinking side.
Yet societally, we continue to focus on the drinker with the belief that if they stop their heavy drinking, all the problems it causes will be resolved. This was certainly my belief and why I fought for nearly four decades to “help” my various loved ones gain control of their drinking.
But before I explain why that doesn’t work, let me explain…
Direct Secondhand Drinking (SHD)
Drinking behaviors are the direct cause of SHD. Family members (spouses, children, parents, siblings…), close friends, boyfriends, girlfriends and innocent bystanders typically fall into this group.
Indirect Secondhand Drinking
Through contact with people directly affected, millions more also experience SHD. Classmates, in-laws, extended family, co-workers, roommates and the like fall into this group.
The ripple effect of SHD can also be as indirect as the taxes paid by citizen to cover the costs of alcohol-related crimes (law enforcement, courts, jails and probation). It also includes the increased alcohol and SHD-related health care costs born by a company or agency. Or it can be the social costs of child abuse, domestic violence and suicide paid by a community and those most directly involved. Click here for more on this.
Direct or Indirect – You’ve Likely Been Touched by Secondhand Drinking: Society’s Problem
Take Joanne, for example…
Joanne was the designated driver for her company’s Happy Hour one evening. She lost control of her car when Jackson, her drunk co-worker, grabbed the steering wheel, shouting, “Turn here!” He’d unclipped his seatbelt just moments before and was thrown from her car when it rolled. Jackson is quadriplegic now. Joanne moved back with her folks and is on heavy pain meds for her leg injuries. Jackson’s drinking behaviors sent SHD ripple effects throughout their families. His parents changed jobs to share his 24/7 caregiving needs and spent their life savings on medical and legal bills. Joanne’s parents are in a similar situation and worry whether she’ll return to the vibrant, talented Joanne she was before the accident.
Or Adam and his mom…
SHD is what’s been happening to Adam and his mom, who are the family of a wonderful man who began drinking heavily after he lost his job and was diagnosed with PTSD. Most nights get ugly when Adam’s dad breaks his promise to cut down on his drinking. His mom confronts him, but typically his dad stares her down and pops open another beer saying, “What’s the big deal? Can’t a guy have a couple of drinks?” Soon his parents are fighting. Adam often experiences the effects of SHD while at school.
One example occurred on a Monday after a particularly rough night of his parents arguing about the drinking and his dad’s “accidental shoving” of his mom. Adam couldn’t concentrate in class and was embarrassed when the boy next to him snickered because he failed to answer the teacher’s question. He tracked his classmate down at recess and punched him in the face. For that, Adam was sent to the office where he’s know as a “behavioral problem.” His mom had to take time off from work to go pick him up. His mom knows her boss and co-workers are fed up because her absence will mean another delay in the production. But that’s not all. Through Adam, SHD unwitting passes along to his classmates who keep missing class instruction and to his teacher whose principal is questioning her ability to control her class.
and John’s Co-workers…
Secondhand drinking is what happens to John’s co-workers when he shows up for work hung over – again. He’s their shift supervisor and the only certified forklift operator. They know his driving the forklift is a risk to their safety. But what can they do? He wasn’t drinking on the job, and besides, what are they going to say? He’s their boss.
Why This Term?
Because secondhand drinking is society’s problem. We’ve just been talking around it for ages using a variety of concepts and terms:
- In the workplace: Absenteeism, Lost Productivity, Safety Risks, Health Care Costs, Employee Wellness
- In our schools: Something All Young People Do, Just a Phase
- In our medical care: Mental illness, Physical and Emotional Health Diagnoses
- In our workplaces, families, friendships and communities: Divorce, Loss of Employment, Failure in School, Domestic Violence, Death by Suicide, Child Abuse, Bullying, Alcohol-related Crime and Recidivism, Drunk Driving and Public Health and Safety
- In alcoholism treatment and recovery circles: Codependency, Enabling
But these concepts and terms only address the symptoms – like being absent from work due to a hangover or getting a divorce because one can no longer tolerate the drinking.
So I coined the term in 2009 to draw the connection to secondhand smoke and its role in causing health problems for those exposed to a person’s cigarette smoking. This “thing” related to a person’s drinking behaviors (this secondhand drinking) causes health and quality-of-life consequences for those exposed to it.
These health and quality-of-life consequences are typically caused by the brain’s fight-or-flight stress response system (FFSRS). Here’s an overview of how this works.
Coping with drinking behaviors activates a person’s (child or adult’s) stress response. When this stress response is repeatedly activated by repeatedly coping with drinking behaviors, that individual’s stress becomes toxic, and they can experience many of the following toxic stress-related symptoms:
- stomach ailments
- insomnia
- anxiety, depression, frequent or wild mood swings
- chronic neck and/or shoulder pain
- frequent headaches, migraines
- chest pain, palpitations, rapid pulse
- increased anger, frustration, hostility
- feeling overloaded, overwhelmed, helpless, hopeless
- and a host of inflammatory diseases.
When a person doesn’t understand the “real” causes of drinking behaviors or their own toxic stress-related physical and emotional health problems, they often blame themselves or change their thoughts, feelings and behaviors in order to stay safe or better control the drinking behaviors. This sets up a terribly complicated, harmful cycle (which is beyond the scope of this post to explain) and makes their toxic stress even worse.
For these reasons, trying to get the drinker to stop the problematic drinking doesn’t resolve the negative impacts of SHD for the person experiencing it. That person needs help targeted to resolving how they cope with SHD. For this kind of information, I urge you to check out the kindle of paperback version of my latest book, 10th Anniversary Edition If You Loved Me, You’d Stop! What You Really Need to Know When Your Loved One Drinks Too Much.
Why This Term Now? Because the Science is Now Available
It is now possible to follow the secondhand smoking prevention model and use modern brain research to explain the science behind the negative impacts of coping with drinking behaviors. Science that explains:
- Why ongoing exposure to drinking behaviors causes toxic stress
- Why toxic stress can lead to brain changes and what these brain changes have to do with physical and emotional health
- Why people engage in drinking behaviors even though it hurts the people they love the most
- How people can heal and repair their brains from the impacts of SHD-related toxic stress and thereby improve their overall physical and emotional health and the very quality of their lives.
Being able to effectively name SHD and therefore effectively talk about it, is a first step. With a common term to talk about the common thread – the negative impacts of a person’s drinking behaviors on others – millions of Americans like Joanne, Adam and his mom, and John’s co-workers can halt SHD’s unchallenged march through their lives.
Bottom Line
Secondhand drinking is real. It hurts and it changes lives. But when you understand SHD and the scientific and anecdotal evidence explaining its causes, impacts and remedies, you can take a stand for your health, safety and quality of life. So please take the time to read the article links in this blog post and share this information widely. Just know — a person can repair, rewire their brains for better mental health with the right kind of help.
And as always… given much of this can feel overwhelming, daunting, please know I offer free, consultation phone, Zoom, What’sApp or Skype calls to answer initial questions and help you get started. To schedule, please send me an email at lisaf@BreakingTheCycles.com.
©2020 Lisa Frederiksen
Lisa Frederiksen
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